So theres this guy.. that no one really knows about. and neither do you but.. its friggin insane.. i hate how i get so passionate and obsessive over people and things.. and its like im on fire or something. if this doesnt balance out im going to be very crushed. its idiotic to think that i actually think of being rejected. but i mean it could happen. but NOTHING has happened yet and thats the whole point. NOTHING. and then this happens all the time i get worked up about a person, it finally goes somewhere and they end up having self issues and other fucking complications. and its just tiring to think about it. and i wish i didnt have to lie or to pretend it doesnt matter. or to hide it. WHAT THE FUCK! why?! really why do people have these emotions, its ridiculous. Think about it real hard, you see something you like or sometimes it doesnt take visual sight to see it but its something you like, something that pleases you and then you want to have it. you want to be with it. your heart beats to oblivion and is about to explode. and its insane because your moving on a hunch. and not to mention shit always gets way more complicated in my instance because most people are monogamous and im not so.. things just never really get anywhere and i end up being great friends or we just dont speak at all. IT HURTS SO BAD AND IT HASNT EVEN HAPPENED OR IF IT EVER WILL HAPPEN. what the heck is wrong with me! i evidently need to get a grip soon but omfg it feels great.. this emotion always feels great going ga-ga and having melt downs every time you see the person or hear from them.. yes my heart is doing the cartwheels and i have goosebumps. Despite all the great emotions i have right now, this high will die and it will crash and burn. ive been there too many times before but i continuously put myself in this masochistic position. if only to hear from you everyday and to be able to be amazed by you everyday from a distance id say id take it in a heartbeat but thats a lie we all tell ourselves.. we eventually need to purge the obsession. And i tend to never waste anytime.. in any situation. I feel like i should gamble and put it all on the table again and play the high stakes.

So, heres to the thrill of you and to the thrill of the hunt! i dont know you but im pretty damned sure theres something about you. ive seen it. i know it...